Destructive Writing – Brookside

by coldglass

I’m bored, so I decided to take the ‘narrative’ section of the Wikipedia article on Brookside and delete all the extraneous, non-crazy text. Two decades of increasingly lunatic Scouse miserablism distilled to its essence. I’m a regular William Burroughs me, only without the talent. Or the heroin addiction. And I’ve never had to flee the country to avoid being imprisoned for drug charges, then flee again after accidentally shooting my wife in the head.

first casualty of the soap, dying from a brain haemorrhage, and Petra committed suicide a few months later . . . George was wrongly convicted of a warehouse robbery . . . Alan’s turbulent love-life, Sheila’s unexpected pregnancy in her forties, Paul’s unemployment, Edna’s gambling addiction and Barry and Terry’s descent into crime . . . frequent visits to union picket lines . . . concerned with marital problems and debt . . . sexually propositioned in return to pay off the family’s spiralling debts . . . churning up his neighbour’s gardens in a fit of depression. . . . John’s instability grew into insanity . . . armed with a revolver and ready to avenge his mother’s death . . . The siege culminated in three shots resulting in the death of Kate followed by John’s suicide. . . . unaware that he was a secret heroin addict . . . including stealing and selling her jewellery . . . subsequently dying of exposure in Sefton Park . . . Damon was fatally stabbed whilst on the run with his girlfriend Debbie . . . controversial affair with a married man . . . rescue her elderly and abused mother, Mona, from a corrupt care-home . . . popular union was cut short . . . Terry Sullivan’s wife Sue and baby Danny being pushed to their deaths off scaffolding. . . . increasingly involved in dubious plots . . . Jimmy descended into intense drug abuse . . . climaxing in a cocaine-induced car crash . . . such as Mick Johnson, who would later be held at gun-point in his flat by obsessed stalker . . . John’s asthma and shoplifting . . . involved in a lengthy date-rape plot with Rod Corkhill’s wife Diana . . . story of wife beater and child abuser Trevor Jordache . . . sold off to become a safe house for abused families . . . sexually abused by their father . . . stabbed him in the Kitchen of Number 10 . . . buried him underneath their patio . . . controversial subjects that other British soaps did not . . . A religious cult headed by Simon Howe blew up Number 5 . . . a mysterious killer virus . . . The incestuous relationship between brother and sister . . . a stint being terrorised by gang-land boss Callum Finnegan . . . the date rape of Nikki Shadwick . . . become synonymous with plots involving guns and explosions . . . no fewer than 6 catastrophic fires and explosions taking place . . . A gas-cooker destroyed much of the Brookside Parade and a bomb detonated in the Millennium Club . . . Separate fires at Number 6 and Number 8 almost killed several characters . . . children both perished in a car crash . . . character’s exit was extremely unpopular . . . supposedly had a 10 year-long affair with a woman never mentioned before in the script . . . Ron shot dead Clint Moffat in the kitchen . . . fell down the stairs . . . abrupt death of Alan . . . followed shortly after by Debbie dying in a car crash . . . began with drug-laden armed robbers speeding onto the Close, hotly pursued by Police . . . three teenagers being violently terrorised . . . Steve Murray getting shot and dumped outside the front door . . . Nikki Shadwick almost being raped for a second time, Emily Shadwick falling to her death from an upstairs window, Kirsty Gordon being raped, blatant drug abuse, strong language and a realistic portrayal of a deranged, drug addicted bank robber . . . police helicopter being gunned down by Psycho Gibson and crashing . . . eerie, deserted feel to the previously high-octane soap with a depressing dark overtone through it. . . . Characters slowly drifted away, often with little or no explanation, . . . Nikki Shadwick, who had nearly been raped for a second time and witnessed the death of her sister . . . so that he could be released from secure psychiatric care. . . . Brookside Close being emptied before demolition for the construction of a waste incinerator . . . “fuck” was now scripted regularly, as was unmotivated violence . . . despised drug-dealer Jack Michaelson . . . a play on the name of the Channel 4 controller, Michael Jackson . . . remaining residents of Brookside Close taking a stand against Michaelson, lynching him

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